Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015 recap // personal





It's January 31st 2015. Tonight is New Year's Eve. Tomorrow is January 1st, 2016. 

Ever since 2010 I've written recaps of the year...all of them personal, none of them shared. I haven't shared because I don't write them for anyone else but myself, my (Lord willing) future children, and future grandchildren. I write because I know I'll forget otherwise. I'll forget about those seasons where life had me on it's mountaintops, and I'll forget about those seasons where it took everything I had to keep one step in front of the other. Rather *nothing* I had, but *everything* God had. 
As I think about a new year that's just around the corner, I remember the times where this day would come, and I'd be so overwhelmed with things about myself that I wanted to change. Starting from the smallest things like wanting to floss everyday, to bigger things like getting into a solid routine of exercise and having a six pack, to the large things like growing my business into something successful and beautiful, to the huge things like trusting in Christ's goodness every single day of my life. Man, these goals still seem so simple, yet in my own life, reality soon hits and life is sure to steer me away from all my goals...leaving me to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, and frustrated. 

Yet as I look back on 2015, through God's grace I accomplished things that I didn't even know needed to be accomplished in my life. 2015 was year of growth...painful growth. The kind of growth that's almost like God putting you into a room full of mirrors, and not necessarily you in flesh,  but you in heart. Your passions, your dreams, your weaknesses, your sin, your unbelief, your anxiety, your fear, all of that is laid out before you through life's day in and day out circumstances and seasons. It's hard, really. It's hard to see your heart for what it really is. And what might that be?

One word. Dependent.

When I was younger I used to almost boast about being "independent" and "not needing anyone's help". But when hard times came, that mindset threw me into seasons where I really did need someone, but I had no idea how to ask or how to be vulnerable. Silly, right?

Yet this year showed me how incredibly dependent I really am. I am dependent. I'm dependent on the Lord, on His word, and those people who care for me. 

As I had all those thoughts mulling around in my head, the Lord brought to mind very specific verses, and they come from the book of Psalms.


"The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart.
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever.
The judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold, yes, than much find gold. Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned. And in keeping them there is great reward." // Psalm 16:7-11

My prayer for the new, unknown year, is two fold. It's this...

"Lord, help me trust You, and in trusting you, help me to love your Word. Like, really love it. Like, be obsessed with it."

It's a simple prayer, really. But when those inevitable challenges arise in life, who is going to be my strength? Where am I going to turn?

If you or I say we're going to trust the Lord, how are we going do that if we don't know Him? And how are we going to know Him, if we don't learn about His character? And still, how are we going to learn about His character, if we don't love His word?  

This past Christmas season, the one just 6 days ago, honestly wasn't one of the best. I struggled. Not only was my family not all together, but one of my dearest and closest friends called me a couple weeks before informing me that they had been diagnosed with cancer. I was shocked. I had no idea what to say. Every bone in my body was paralyzed, and I was barely able to answer back a soft "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry." After getting off the phone with him I stood there in the low lit room and looked up at a small plaque that quoted the verse we're all so familiar with "Be still, and know that I am God...". Those words literally just went in one ear, and the anxiety and fear that had settled in my heart chased those words right out the other ear. It was then I realized that I needed to love Him more, trust Him more, know Him more, and believe...like really believe in His goodness not only in my life, but in the life of my family and friends. 

Day by day I'm growing to love Him more and more, and when I take a moment to pause and reflect back on my 22 years of life, I'm overwhelmed by His faithfulness. Surely, there is none like our God. 

So here's to 2016, friends. Pursue your King because He first pursued you. Realize your desperate need for Him, and pursue until you find you're obsessed with Him, and even then, don't stop. Strive harder and faster, and don't only strive, but share your passion with those who may not know His unwavering love for them. 


Two of my favorite boys from my recent missions trip the Philippines. 
Much love, 

//sierra

2 comments:

  1. This was beautiful! And I'm so glad you shared!

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  2. Sierra, thank you for sharing your heart. I can nod my head through this whole post. This year has been crazy. Cancer? Yes. Painful growth? Yes. Passionate realization that I NEED to be crazy about Christ? Yes.

    The beautiful thing about being children of Christ is that we're all family. In reading this post I see a heart sister.

    God bless you and thanks for sharing.:)

    Moriah

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